Top 10 Things you need to know about Autistic children

May 18, 2021

Understanding Autistic children starts with letting go of a few common myths. Here are the essentials every parent, teacher and professional should know.

Autistic children are not defective versions of non-autistic children. They are wonderfully and perfectly Autistic, and their development shouldn’t be measured against a non-autistic yardstick.
Autistic children play and learn from their environment the same way other children do. It may just look different, because they’re often learning about different aspects of that environment, at a different pace, and in a different order.
Autistic children develop Autistically. They should not be measured against non-autistic developmental milestones, nor forced to develop in ways that aren’t natural to them. A skill that appears “late” by typical standards isn’t a sign that something is wrong.
Autistic children do not lack social skills. Autistic children and adults have a social communication style specific to them, in the same way non-autistic people do. That way of communicating isn’t faulty, and non-autistic social goals shouldn’t be inflicted on children. It’s better to bridge communication gaps through mutual respect, appreciation and understanding, rather than expecting the Autistic child to do all the adapting.
There is no such thing as “Autistic behaviour”. There is only human behaviour. Framing ordinary responses as inherently Autistic, rather than as reactions to a specific environment or situation, makes it harder to see what a child actually needs.
Anxiety responses are responses to the environment and previous experiences, not to “autism” itself. The same is true of trauma responses. Autistic children can also be more sensitive to their surroundings, so it helps to think about how the whole environment, whether at home or school, can be adjusted to accommodate that sensitivity, rather than asking the child to simply cope with it.
Stimming is a collection of movements that connect body and mind. It allows children to filter sensory input, helps them learn and absorb information, and is something they do to regulate their emotions. Rather than trying to stop or hide stimming, it’s worth paying attention to it: there is often communication in a child’s stims.
“Presume competence” is a guiding principle in the Autistic community. It means assuming an Autistic child is just as competent as their peers, even when that competence doesn’t show up in expected ways. It’s worth remembering that speech is a motor skill, not a measure of intelligence, so a child who is non-speaking or has limited speech is not necessarily less capable of understanding or communicating.

None of this means parenting an Autistic child requires an entirely different approach to parenting in general. It means starting from acceptance rather than correction, and trusting that an Autistic child’s way of experiencing and engaging with the world is valid on its own terms.